Taste of H.U.B.

Four brave men agree to sample every one of the suspicious H.U.B. restaurants in hopes of finding some culinary wonders among a mass of unpalatable dissapointments.

Day 10: Edo Japan

Patrick’s Review:

I’d like to start this post by apologizing for our lack of posts lately, we’re not really busy, we just run a real loose ship over here at Taste of Hub head-quarters. Sorry not sorry. Second matter of business: we had a guest judge for Edo and good-golly-miss-molly was he ever a treat to have around. I’d like to say he’s an old friend, but that’s a shameless lie. More of a recent acquisition in the friend department. Anywhom, he’s electing to assume a pseudonym to stay anonymous, although I’m not entirely sure why he doesn’t just go with his first name like the rest of us…..He chose Baby D, which I’m told is a reference to his last name and not his male reproductive organ….penis. He’s the best dressed guy on campus and a damn good blogger I’m told. Enough flattering.

Edo Japan. I’m told Edo is the old name of the Japanese capital so chalk that one under the ‘no one gives a shit column’. This falls under the immensely useless portion of our epic quest through HUB. You’ve all eaten there, theres not that many options and you’re well aware of how sweaty it gets behind that counter. Entertain me and read on anyway cyber buddies. We were late for Baby D, rookie hazing so to speak, but he didn’t mind. He’s pretty level headed. I got the chicken and beef on rice thing. I’d call it by its real name but that would suggest all the meals don’t get the same sauce poured on the top at the end. The dude does have excellent wrist action on the scoop and pour though. Any of you pervs out there laughing at “wrist action” should take a serious five. The little veggies terrify me. The carrot slices are all so symmetrical, its not natural. And the lettuce looks like they ran over to subway and just grabbed a handful of their premium stuff. As far as the taste you know exactly what it tastes like. As far as the experience, those fellas behind the counter are working real hard, and its only them….all the time. They are in serious risk of severe dehydration at all times. They should unionize. 合体. Thats unionize in Japanese. Tee-hee it looks like a little house. We talked Almar into eating wasabi for absolutely no reward. It ruled. I don’t have more for you guys so we’ll get to the totally irrelevant scores:
Taste: 7/10
Customer Service: 9/10 合体!!!!!!!!!!
Presentation: 3/5 white styrofoam…classic
Overall aesthetics: 3/5 
Total: 22/30
Side note: I’ve just read Baby D’s blog and boy did he go all out. Looks like its about seven hundred words, he’s making us look bad, consider this his first and last invitation.

Baby D’s Review:

I’d just like to personally thank the brilliant men behind Taste of H.U.B. for allowing me to sit down and share a meal with them. To be honest I was a little bit intimidated being around these guys… Loads of experience and I know that these guys weren’t afraid to shy away from sharing their thoughts. With that being said, what these guys do is incredible… Takes a decent sized set of balls to explore everything “edible” that H.U.B. has to offer.

Well, lets be polite here and I’ll introduce myself. Some people (not just girls) refer to me as “Baby D”… Not actually a baby and the D is referring to my last name (not any body parts starting with D)… I have spent many lunch hours walking down H.U.B. looking for something to eat that satisfies my taste buds and my hunger. It has been an uphill battle the whole way. Eating something “cheeseNtoasted” five days a week is tough on the pocket book (wallet?) and the colon. Can someone please tell me the three meats (and applicable animals) that a cold cut trio is composed of? I don’t think anyone can. Well this post isn’t about Subway (worst is when they cut your sub with the knife they just used to cut a tuna sub)…

I like to think of myself as a fairly cultured guy (born and raised in Edmonton for entire life, vacation to Calgary in the Summers)… but I decided to do a little background check on the featured vendor of the day. Edo in Asian means Tokyo and Japan in Asian means Japan. Enough with the enlightenment… time to put Tokyo (translation: Edo) Japan on the chopping block.

I surprisingly had a great customer service experience today at Edo Japan. Sure, I had to squint a bit to see the menu, but I’m not really seeing 20/20 anymore. I decided against eating breakfast today because I wanted a clean palate for tasting (Lucky Charms can tamper with sense of taste). Chicken & Beef (my two favorite animals of the land) with rice… even decided to sumo size it (sumo mistake, too much filler). Low grade shredded chicken and low grade shredded beef is actually a pretty nice mix; surprised they don’t make a chicken + beef burger at McDonalds. Bit of a curveball when the boys behind the grill brought my meat out of the reserve stock of previously cooked meat. Sloppy seconds, maybe. Who am I to judge though?

“Sauce?” Yeah, thought I had better go with two scoops to lubricate the sumo portion. I have always wondered what was in that sauce… but part of me never really wants to find out the truth. For those who are wondering, I ate with a fork not a spoon and definitely not chopsticks (again, I was born in Edmonton). First few bites were real special… a bit of cartilage but just reminded me that I was chewing. After several forks in a short black hair (my hair is brown) was discovered mid-Styrofoam. Before jumping to conclusions I pulled the hair out from my meal. A solid 4-inch black hair (my hair is brown, my hair is not 4 inches long)… I’m not saying the hair wasn’t my own, but do the simple math – doesn’t take a rocket surgeon. I weighed my options and decided to continue eating, no one got anywhere in life without taking the odd hair in the meal for the team.

The true test of how a meal in H.U.B. went is to wait a few hours. This result may have been skewed because I went in with loose bowels… Needless to say, I am still battling diarrhea a few hours after the meal.

I would recommend Edo (translation: Tokyo) Japan to my peers. They have a nice spread and will serve anyone with a pulse.

Taste: 7 out of 10

Presentation: 2 out of 5 (I’d be lying if I said the 4 inch hair found mid meal didn’t influence this score)

Overall Customer Service: 9 out of 10 (Traditional two-handed napkin and receipt exchange between cashier – no conversation with cooks, sometimes I’m not looking for an engaging conversation)


Overall House Aesthetics: 3 out of 5 (Can smell Edo Japan from Riverside Lounge, no in-house seating – probably a blessing)

Total: 21 out of 30 (Someone might want to check that math…)

Almar’s Review:

These people have some nerve. I was really itching for some sushi. So I walk up to the register, all ready to get my chow on and stuff, when the lady has the audacity to tell me they only have 3 California rolls left. Very disappointing. I bought them anyway. Upon eating I realized they had been sitting in the fridge for 3 days, it was like when you Mom is too lazy to make you dinner, so she pulls some bullshit leftovers out of the fridge. Unacceptable, but there was no going back now. After the sushi was polished off I got to watch my judge-mates eat a much better meal. There was only one way to liven this up: eat a forkful of wasabi. So, that is what I did. I wouldn’t say I’m proud of it, but I do not regret the decision either. My tum-tum did hurt for the better part of 3 hours though. (Video coming up after this post!)

All in all, not impressed with Edo’s showing. I didn’t ask for much and they still let me down. It’s a shame really.

Taste: 5 hurting bellies out of 10

Presentation: 4/5 (I like when the sushi comes on a bridge. I know it’s a lot to ask for. Sue me)

Overall Customer Service: 9/10

Overall House Aesthetics: 5/5

Total: 23/30

Mark’s Review:

What was once one of my favorite fast food joints has soured on me. I remember it like it was a reminisce. Every lunch throughout my high school career was spent in a certain Calgary Edo location (exaggeration). But now I can barely eat the stuff (exaggeration). I’ll be honest, the beef yakisoba doesn’t really do it for me anymore, and call me crazy, but I’m not a big rice guy. However there is one thing I absolutely love about Edo, and all fast food chain restaurants located on our lovely campus. They are a glimmer of hope for all fast food loving U of A’ers. It’s a beacon of good things to come. Or just a big tease. Almost like duct taping me to a chair in the Ruth lounge and waving a Big Mac in front of my face while the potato from jacket potato man laughs in my face.

What you should get from this: I don’t like Edo anymore, and I love Big Macs.

Side note. Rommel and Angel (chefs) are without a doubt the hardest working guys at the U of A. Seriously… Give both of those guys Indira Nottryingtospellherlastname’s job and they will KILL it. No university degree? Screw it. Those guys work their asses off and I take my hat off to them.

P.S. Nothing against Indira

P.S.S. Please don’t expel me.

Taste: 7/10

Presentation: 5/5 for getting to see the boys cook my meal

Customer Service: 7/10 if only those guys commandeered the register

House Aesthetics: 5/5 best looking place in HUB. Bold….

Total: 26/30 

For more wasabi experiments check out @ATasteOfHUB on the twitta

[Flash 10 is required to watch video]

Imagine the poop that came the next morning.

Day 9: Academy Pizza

Sorry we took a week off, had some personal reasons for that. Anywho, read on:

Mark’s Review:

I liked to think I would go into academy pizza knowing exactly what it was going to be. Completely and utterly mediocre. I was proved semi-wrong. Ohhhhh suspense!

We sat down by the hub walkway, which was a lovely little seating area. Up stairs wasn’t too shabby. Except for the depressing dungeon room in the back. I also loved how they had the circa 1970’s intercom, the Tianamen Sqaure-esque feedback was exhilarating. 

The lovely lady behind the counter walked me through the whole process. Which was ordering then taking a number, and waiting for your number to be called. For some reason this was a challenge for me. I jumped the gun and went up to ask if my number was called. Rookie mistake. She was very forgiving. She has a beautiful heart. 

On to the food. I ordered regular spaghetti with bolognese (“meat” for all of you who have never seen italian delicacy like Boston Pizza’s penne bolognese) sauce since I am super unexciting. It was SUPER mediocre. The garlic bread was tasty. However, the reason why I said I was semi-wrong in my expectations was because Pat and Jeff got a lovely looking lasagna. I’ll let them tell you about their own food though. 

In the battle for being number one in italian cuisine, Academy Pizza just doesnt have the authenticity La Pasta has. Maybe they should include some italian (is “la” even an italian word?) in their name, or have the owner wear an Inzaghi Italian soccer jersey. But until then, La Pasta has my vote. On to the scores ladies and gents.

Taste (/10): 7

Presentation (/5): 3

Overall Customer Service (/10): 9. What a gal. 

Overall House Aesthetics (/5): 4

Total: 23/30

Almar’s Review

Ah, Academy Pizza. It was enjoyable. I had the cheese pizza with the little banana pepper type things. I wasn’t full at the end of my meal, but I figure that’s on me for only ordering one small pizza. No fault charged to the establishment. I also like when these restaurants have their own lounges. It makes me feel like they want me to say a while. “Hey, while you eat why don’t you kick back in our lounge and enjoy our mostly painted mural of some vegetables and shit.”

No, but seriously I’d really appreciate it if someone finished up that mural. I like to think someone was putting the final touches on coloring in the vegetables when all of a sudden he (or she, but I’m going to go with he) saw someone fleeing the Academy Pizza lounge. Turns out it was a robber who had just held up the elderly Asian cashier! Cue the mural painter, who also moonlights as a kung-fu sensei. Suddenly the chase is on. The mural painter, we’ll call him Ricardo, springs into action running after the HUB thief. Ricardo takes the filthy thief down, right in front of Eurasian Bistro, and gives him a swift punch of justice to the face. KAPOW! It was either that scenario or they just ran out of paint, but I choose to believe the former and no one can convince me otherwise.

Getting back on track, Academy Pizza was good. I wouldn’t say it’s a shining star in the constellation we call HUB, but I’m going to go back the next time I crave some zza (that’s short for pizza for all those folks who aren’t hip with the times).

Taste: 8 HUB crime fighters out of 10

Presentation: 4/5

Overall Customer Service: 8/10

Overall House Aesthetics: 4/5 (Honestly, it will take you like 5 minutes. Just finish it.)

Total: 24/30

Patrick’s Review:

Academy Pizza? Da hell’s going on with that name? I thought academies were to learn how to cut hair and massage people. I’m not saying it’s a bad name, and I’m sure there’s a perfectly good reason why its called Academy Pizza, I just don’t know the reason, so its instantly stupid. The place has a lounge, which I’m starting to love in a HUB restaurant, its exclusive. You get to look at someone with a subway sandwich or something and give them that “stay outta my lounge you dirty peasant, I ordered food here and this is my space” look. You have to walk up the stairs to order and that rules for some reason, almost makes your forget you’re in this hideous mall. Side note, how is HUB a mall? Malls have Sport Checks and Water Parks and perverts walking around. HUB doesn’t have two of those for sure. I know mall is technically just a covered long walkway, but really thats not what it means anymore. It’s where you go to buy shit. HUB IS NOT A MALL. Back to the order; they have lasagna and pasta and all that crap which I didn’t know, never stop learning guys. Went with the lasagna because the lady recommended it. She seemed like a real straight shooter, so I agreed. Thought this was a bold move cause I feel like HUB lasagna could go either way. When it came I was pleasantly surprised. The serving was big. CAME IN A REAL PORCELAIN PLATE! That’s HUB sophistication. The lasagna was pretty good too, I’m not gunna say it was delicious, but it was good. I was watching some other people eat and I gotta say the academy pizzas come in a pretty cruel size. They’re just the right size so that one looks like its not enough but you’d feel like a piggy if you got two; it’s soooo inconsiderate of them. At the end of the day, all things consider, bottom line, getting down to brass tax, crunch time……ya good shit, I’d go back, well done Academy Pizza, get ‘em a ribbon or something.

Scores:

Taste: 7/10

Customer Service: 8/10 (She had an honest face)

Overall Aesthetics: 3/5 (Fluorescent green sign looks like a dirty movie store type deal. Deduction!)

Presentation: 5/5 (real plates. I mean come on.)

Total: 23/30

Want more? Twitta: @ATasteOfHUB

Day 8: A&W

Mark’s Review: 

I’ll be honest. I have been extremely excited for A&W. It’s about time we got a chain restaurant on our tour (I refuse to acknowledge New York Fries). One thing I have noticed with A&W (A an’ Dub as the kewl kids call it), every single location has not been reno’d since the freakin 50s. Now I realize they are going for a old time feel, but the white tiles on the wall are not white any more, they are a heinous beige from dirt and grease. Keep the old time feel, but I’d like to see an A&W with a flat screen. Remember the first time you saw a flat screen in Mickey D’s? It was a god damned revelation. On that note though, the uniforms are henious and also look like they have been recycled from the 50s. Be nice to your employees A&W! Make them look flattering and pretty like. 

So I got a Mozza burger, and in my mind there is not much better than that. Besides the root-beer. If I could replace the tap water in my condo with A&W root-beer, I would do it in a heartbeat. Forget the schematics, readers! I want to live in that world… Anywho, don’t get mad at my ratings, they’re gonna be alot better than the other restaurants. But you “healthy” people will find solace in the fact that I will die younger than you. So don’t get mad at me for loving fast food. The other dudes will give a less biased review. I hope. 

Taste (/10): 9 

Presentation (/5): 5

Overall Customer Service (/10): 8

Overall House Aesthetics (/5): 3 not so cool vintage…

Total: 25/30

Almar’s Review:

I mean what can I really say about A&W. We’ve all eaten here and one A&W is virtually the same as the next. I guess the only thing that can differ from one A&W to the next is the staff and the service. This little factor definitely applies to the HUB A&W. These people just seem sad to me. I blame whoever owns this A&W franchise and not the employees themselves. This guys needs to find a way to put a gosh-darn smile on his employee’s faces. Give these people a pat on the back every once in a while. Most of them do an alright job and really what more is expected here. Is it wrong of me to not want a Chubby Chicken sandwich from a sad person? I don’t think it is.

Also, what cruel person decided to allow an A&W in HUB and not a McDonald’s? Health doesn’t apply here because I’m sure one is as equally awful for you as the other. But I would like a god damn Jr. Chicken every once in a while and society clearly agrees when you account for how many A&W’s there are in relation to McDonald’s. This may make me sound like the 8 year-old who throws a temper tantrum after every soccer practice if he doesn’t get his Happy Meal, but that is something I’m willing to do if it means spreading some McDonald’s-deprivation awareness (clinical term). I’m sure A&W somehow managed to get HUB to outlaw any other burger joints, but this is an injustice I tell you. This will be my platform for when I run for VP Student-Life. Just kidding! I’d rather die.

Anyway, A&W is A&W. We all know what we are getting when we come to eat here. I had the Chubby Chicken burger. It was chubby and whatnot, so I guess that’s a pass. We all know A&W only exists for the root-beer anyway.

Taste: 6 biased reviews out of 10

Presentation: 3/5

Overall Customer Service: 3/10 (I’ve seen some things here that I never want to repeat to anyone)

Overall House Aesthetics: 3/5

Total: 15/30

Patrick’s Review:

I really enjoyed eating at this quaint little bistro. It’s nice to get away from the corporation and franchise type restaurants every now and then. See what I did there? I used sarcasm for humour, gosh you guys are spoiled. A&W is kinda the forgotten brother of burger fast food joints, unless you’re in HUB, then its your only option. I have to say, I was kinda excited to eat there. Let’s face it, fast food burgers are delicious. You might pretend you’ve grown up and your tastes have matured, but your a shameless liar. I know the consequences, it’s straight awful for you and you feel a little self conscience waiting in the line, but once that root-beer hits your lips, sweet baby jesus its delicious. You can’t do it too often or your gunna become a big fatty, but thats a line we all have to tip toe; its a dangerous delicious line. Now the place itself is pretty ugly, but who are we kidding, its an A&W, what do you want it to look like? If there was nice tile, new lighting and a little tree or some shit I’d be concerned. Its not supposed to look nice. Its supposed to look like a place where you go to ensure you cholesterol is just a little too high. I had the Mozza burger, it tasted exactly like what the mozza burger should. And the fries were fries; delicious golden fries. This might be the most useless taste of HUB stop. Or Subway which is next. Still read it though, it makes us feel better about ourselves. 
Taste: 7 as advertised taste points/10
Presentation: 3/5…GENEROUS
Customer Service: 7/10
Overall Aesthetics: 3/5
Total: 20/30
Incase you want more: @ATasteOfHUB

valentinatee asked: Just wanted to say, Chicken rolls are mother-made late at night, after a long ass day of work. Get your facts straight, and thanks for the review.

Listen, this thing is supposed to be sorta funnyish not too serious, I know it wasn’t from Costco, thats just what it seemed like. Now having haters is kind of cool cause it means someone at least reads this but cool your jets sweetheart, we only have like 170 twitter followers, we’re not exactly gunna affect your business. Thanks for reading :)

Day 7: Ho-Ho’s Chinese Food

Almar’s Review:

Sweet mother of Pete. What an experience.

Just so everyone is on the same page, when deciding what to eat at Ho Ho’s we conducted a Ho Ho’s Roulette. This consisted of the 4 of us randomly choosing a number and either multiplying it by two or dividing it by two. We had no idea what we were in for and let me just say, I’ve never see anything like it. Also, Jeff pussied out, so we brought in Max, our guest judge for the day.

It all began with a prayer. We didn’t want to die today, but we had come to terms with it. We placed our orders and were quickly rushed through the paying process. I really appreciated the Asian girl, whose sole purpose was to hand me the debit machine. It made me feel special. After paying for our food we decided to make sure that we took in the whole experience by sitting in the Ho Ho’s lounge. It was quaint, had a view and was even equipped with a RadioShack speaker. This made it possible for them to yell at you when your food was ready. 

First Mark and I were called down to receive our soup. I had ordered the Szechwan Pork, Vegetable Soup and got pretty much what I expected. Some regular oriental soup with those spoons that don’t work. Then Max went to get his food, which was also some kind of fish concoction. He got back to the table and opened up his styrofoam container. We were all pleasantly surprised because it did not look nearly as bad as we had expected. This raised Patrick’s hopes because he had order the Creamed Corn Fish Filet. Poor Patrick. When he got his meal and was about to open it up I felt as if it was Christmas morning and the “big” present was about to be unwrapped. I must say I have never laughed so hard at a supposedly edible meal. I felt offended just looking at it and the fact that he had to actually ingest this nonsense was very humorous.

Throughout the rest of the meal Max gagged, Mark and I didn’t mind the soup and Pat’s stamina was being abused by whatever it was he was eating. All in all, fun was had by mostly everyone.

Taste (/10): 6 (it got pretty bland after 5 bites)

Presentation (/5): 4

Overall Customer Service (/10): 7

Overall House Aesthetics (/5): 4

Total: 20/30

Guest Judge Max’s Review:

Upon realizing what my selection in Ho Ho’s roulette granted me, I breathed a sigh of relief. Number 41: Fillet with Chili Pepper on Rice. How bad could some fish, chili sauce, and rice taste? I waited anxiously for my answer, which would come once the diminutive worker-lady behind the counter called out my order through the RadioShack speaker (which brought to mind images of a repressive leader barking orders to peasants) mounted in the dining area. I popped open the Styrofoam dinner box and examined my meal. It actually looked pretty good, and could have passed as some sort of sweet and sour chicken. Sadly, this was no chicken delight. I took the first bite of the fish nugget and instantly regretted it. (Side note: the type of fish is not determined, though I suspect it’s some sort of mutant tilapia-catfish hybrid) I chewed vigorously, all sorts of sour, salty, toxic and revolting tastes swirling around my mouth. I gagged as I tried to swallow. I cannot stress enough how disgusting the fish was.  With every bite I would try to drown out the disgusting with forkfuls of the bland rice, but the taste would still get to me. A gag accompanied each bite. I finished as much as I could, and now, after several hours, my stomach feels like it is ready to implode. Never again Ho Ho’s, never again.

Scores:

Taste: 0/10  (I mean, come on.)

Customer Service: 3/10 (the radio made me giggle)

Overall aesthetics: 4/5 (throwing them a bone)

Presentation: 3/5 (they mislead me)

Total: 10/30

Mark’s Review: 

Before I say anything. I have to clear something up right meow. I have always heard pretentious d-bags spewing “Oh you might like chinese food, but real chinese food is sooooo much different”. Now. I have seen/heard many asian exchange students order everything from ginger beef to sweet and sour pork at HoHo’s. So those pretentious d-bags were wrong all along. SUCK IT SELF-PROCLAIMED CITIZEN OF THE WORLD! 

Okay, on to the review. However this shouldn’t even be called a review since we decided to pull the “HoHo’s rouletteTM” wheel and choose a random number on the menu. This proved disastrous for Patty and our friend Max. But I will let them talk about their meals, and I my own. (There are so many things I could say about that filet creamed corn). I was dealt the pork pickled cabbage noodle soup. Sans pickled cabbage, it would have been lovely. Although I must say I’m not a fan of asian soups. They are very bland. But my dish beside Patrick’s made mine look like the fucking Sistine Chapel of cuisine. Nonetheless I enjoyed it. What did I enjoy more you ask? The circa 1970s speaker in which they announced orders being ready. I’m sure everyone else also mentioned this, so I’ll be brief. If I closed my eyes I imagined gitmo, or the gulags, or something along those lines. It was exhilarating. After all is said and done this review was very unfair. If it were a normal “taste”, I would have ordered my fav Szechuan noodle and the score would have been no complaints. No disrespect pushy Chinese lady (stop asking for the next person, the dude in front of me hasn’t even given you his debit card yet), and whom I presume is her husband who always wears the red polo shirt, we just did it for the funsies. 

Taste (/10): 7 (szechuan noodle would have gotten a 9)

Presentation (/5): 4

Overall Customer Service (/10 International Fare Fetuses): 9. Pushy. But god damn they are efficient.

Overall House Aesthetics (/5): 4. VINTAGE.

Total: 24/30

Patrick’s Review:
I googled filet of fish cream corn. I had expectations, and I like to think I was prepared for the worst. I’ve seen a filet o fish from McDonald’s. I’d never fucking eat it, but I’ve seen it. When I opened the styrofoam container, I saw without a doubt, the grossest thing I have ever seen anyone refer to as ‘food’. It was covered in a vomit like sauce, with little white strands which I regretfully can only describe as looking like male reproductive matter. The corn was without a doubt picked last year, which was….the year of the rabbit? Before I get into the tasty-ness of it all, let’s cover non-food elements. I think we’ve all at least witnessed the HoHo’s ordering process. They scream at you, you squint at the menu, mutter a number, they realize they don’t have that much of a grasp of the menu and also look at it, they scream the name back at you and you nod. It’s magical really. Its actually a communications miracle most of the time. We’ve started eating in the lounge of every restaurant, so we brought a little caucasian flavour to the Ho Ho’s lounge today. I felt rare, like a Siberian Tiger or Vanilla Coke. The lounge had the most sophisticated speaker to call out orders. It was so ridiculous I sorta think they were fucking with me. Nothing facilitates my understanding of broken english like a speaker stolen from 1974. Once they set eyes on my food, the rest of the fella’s almost died laughing. I’ll admit it was funny but I knew it was going in my mouth soon. The ‘cream corn’ tasted like someone blended corn pops and milk, let it fester for three weeks, then didn’t even have the courtesy to warm it up long enough in the microwave. I can honestly say it was the most revolting thing I have ever eaten. Now I tried to take culture shock into account, but no one likes this, they don’t order this on Mars. I don’t even wanna know what the fish was. For a moment I wanted International Fare….kidding, never. Max almost puked watching me eat it. I hope you all appreciate this. I ate half and felt very proud, and I have yet to vomit. Im gritty. Now to be fair HoHo’s has some things that aren’t awful, and it’s fun to eat there and laugh, but this was awful, criminal really. I would rather watch never ending marathons of ‘Will and Grace’ than eat that again. I’d rather date Rosie O’donnell than eat it again. I want HoHo’s owner-guy to apologize to me, I feel like he owes me an apology, or at least a hug or a snuggle. Do you think there’s a Canadian food place called ‘Daryl’s’ at the Hong Kong university?
THE MATH!
Taste: -9/10 gagging max’s
Presentation: -13 gagging max’s
Customer service: 5/10 (a positive number!)
Overall Aesthetics: I have nothing more to say
Total: This is below math, it just deserves a sad face or toddlers crying
We all had a taste. Soak it in and then imagine eating it. 

DISCLAIMER: We don’t always hate Ho Ho’s. We have had some good meals here. The 67 is actually quite delightful and Mark regularly indulges in the Szechwan Noodles. It’s just that the Ho Ho’s roulette didn’t give us a lot to work with. There are a variety of meals here, some passable, some definitely not. Choose at your own risk. Also NEVER get the food from the pans in the front. You’ve been warned.

Don’t you forget the Twitter: @ATasteOfHUB

Day 6: New York Fries

Almar’s Review:

Well, it’s a chain restaurant so nothing magical is happening here. I’m much more appreciative when stand-alone restaurants have bad food than when chain restaurants do. Why are you a chain restaurant if I would rather eat somewhere else? This goes double for New York Fries because their “thing” is french fries. OOOOOOH EDGY. As if there is no where else I can go to get some fries. And I know what some of you are thinking: “No, but New York Fries has special poutines like butter chicken and braised beef.” Well the only thing I have to say to you people is: “I’d rather just have regular poutine.” Why try and make a poutine something it’s not? In particular, the butter chicken poutine really confuses me. It would be like dressing a Jewish kid in a Dashiki and making him go play a game of Dreidel with his yamulke-clad brethren. I just don’t get it.

Anyway, I had the braised beef poutine. It was okay, but I think I would of preferred the classic gravy-and-cheese poutine. This may have been due to my skepticism of whether or not I was eating real beef, or some kind of mystery meat. On top of this, you’re mostly just eating potatoes, which keeps you full for all of about 17 minutes. After that time has passed you’re about ready to take down a full grown gazelle and ingest it raw.

Taste (/10): 6.5

Presentation (/5): 4

Overall Customer Service (/10): 6

Overall House Aesthetics (/5): 4

Total: 20.5/30

Patrick’s Review:
 
Now, 8 year old Patrick loved fries. I fat person liked fries. We went to Mexico when I was younger and for seven days I ate only plates of fries from the buffet. Fries are a beautiful thing. They get a bad wrap because lots of people are obese now, but don’t blame the fries. They’re an inanimate object, they can’t jump to someone’s mouth. I happen to adore fries and ketchup, and would appreciate a little less slandering and a little more tolerance of the fries; fries awareness, if you will. If any of you are still with me, that intro was necessary to paint the picture of my love. NY Fries hurt my feelings. It raped my love of fries. I can’t understand how you can be so bad at something when it is your only concern. They’re not NY Fries and crepes, or NY Fries and soft serve ice cream, just fries. They throw these sad little fried bastards in a cup, and then like its some sort of delicacy, pour some manner of hamburger helper and cheese curds on top. I happen to be a classic ketchup guy but Im not too biased, this was just sucky. The fries at A&W are better. If your going to put all your eggs in the fry basket, you better make a mean fry. The Jacket Potato is awful, but at least it’s the best jacket potato in HUB (win by default! Weee!). Im not going to comment on the look of the place cause its pretty standard, but the lady is a little bossy. She kind of hurries your oder, maybe so you don’t reconsider. I was scared and just quickly picked the poutine type thing. It’s also the only place where hot dogs are offered as side dishes. Thats what’s to blame for obesity. This place is the fatty factory. I apologize for my cause of obesity rant, its very misplaced. This goes on my ‘probably never again’ list. 
Taste: 5/10
Presentation: 3/5
Customer service: pushy/10
Overall Aesthetics: 3.67 repeating/5
Total: 11.67 + pushy/30

Mark’s Review: 

Now, I have dabbled in the New York Fries a few times before and it’s one of the only places open late at night. So on those long nights when I’m stuck here studying, I prefer a small bowl of fries over a gigantic plate of Hoho’s (mind you, after the revelation that is Barteca, this isn’t even a discussion anymore). However, the key word there is SMALL. A small bowl of “the works” can be extremely satisfying at 11 o’clock on a Thursday. A little bit of heartburn, but nothing I can’t live with. On the other hand, consuming a “regular”, which would be a “regular” portion of fries for a morbidly obese man, from the bronx or some shit, isn’t as satisfying. After the 8th bite, I feel like I’m going to perish in a vat of fry grease. What I am saying is a small bowl of the works is great snack food, but whoever says fries can be anything more than a side, or a snack, is kidding themselves. For the sake of everyones health, fries are not a meal for god sakes. There should be a law against consuming that shit as a full blown lunch. To wrap this up, I got “the works”. First bites were delicious. Thereafter, every bite saw a serious diminishing rate of marginal satisfaction. Ew, that sucked. Don’t let me include Econ terms in this ever again. I’m going to let that one slide, for the word count of course…. 

P.S. I’m not one for personal attacks on this blog. But for everyones sake, NY Fries lady HAS to take a god damned shower. Please. I don’t know what is greasier, her hair or the fries. With that, I leave you until next time.  

Taste (/10): 8, and then 6, then dropped to about a 5. We will average that out at 7.

Presentation (/5): 5. They put in an effort to make it look like it does on the menu. Thanks greasy fries lady.

Overall Customer Service (/10): 7. They are kinda pushy in getting your order. 

Overall House Aesthetics (/5): 4

Total: 23/30


In other news, we were interviewed by the Lazy-Faire which was neat. Probably a waste of their time, but what’s done is done! Now from what we understand, the interview was pretty edited from its original form as this is not some floozy publication like the Gateway, but it should still be worth a look-see. Not sure when its out so keep your eyes peeled. 
Also, if you want to triple the dosage: @ATasteOfHUB

Day 5: Feta and Olives

We forgot to take a photo of our food today, so here is a picture of a fat guy shaving some meat.

Patrick’s Review:

I wish every other restaurant in HUB used the same system to name themselves. Just two of ten ingredients, or some part of the cooking process. From here on out Subway should be referred to as ‘Cheese Toasted?’. I went with the Souvlaki Pita, which included neither feta nor olives. The fuck? I got a side of Caesar salad, in Jacket Potato Man terms I think thats a South Carolina style salad. The whole thing seemed like Opa’s retarded little brother. Now take that with a grain of salt, because in HUB thats pretty good. HUB sets the bar low, so if you can hump your way over the bar, YOU’RE A WINNER. I guess that detracts from places we praise too, kinda like being the best reader at Sylvan learning; king shit of turd island if you will. Anywho, it was pretty good, kinda stale-ish, and their could have been more tzatziki, but pretty good. There was no prompt for a tip on the debit machine so thats a win for humanity. The place looked newish too which makes you feel better always. There could be mice dropping turds all over the kitchen but I dun care cause the sign is light-up and flashy and I can’t see ‘em poopin! Would I go back, probably, just not right away. 

The SCORES!:

Taste: 7/10

Customer service: 8/10

Presentation: 3/5

Overall Aesthetics: 5/5 (based strictly on them incorporating an olive into the spelling, weeee!)

Total: 23/30

Apologies: We didn’t really post last week, so we’re sorry. This insinuates that people out there care, which is probably also not true so sorry again. For those of you scoring at home, thats a double sorry. We had mid terms, and Mark was in a LARP’ing tourney (that shit where you dress like your a medieval knight and generally act creepy) all weekend so we were tied up. 

Almar’s Review:

Meh, it was unsurprisingly average. The experience pretty much went down as follows: I was late, ordered the Gyro, waited for a while, ate a satisfying amount of food and thought to myself “this is tolerable.” There isn’t a whole lot to say other than that it was just okay. I’d eat it again if I was tired from my usually HUB delicacies, and by delicacies I mean food that I don’t think will send me to the hospital or cause me to diarrhea my pants. Diarrhea is never fun. I challenge you to think of a moment when diarrhea would come in handy. It can’t be done. A friend of mine always used diarrhea as an excuse not to do stuff. He would always pull shit like, “sorry, dude, I can’t hang out tonight. I have diarrhea,” or “yeah, I called in sick today. Told them I had diarrhea.” He thought this was the greatest excuse ever. But no, it’s not, you just end up becoming known as the weird kid who gets diarrhea far too often.

That about sums up how fun of an experience Feta & Olives was. I’d rather write about diarrhea. Sure it’s pretty cheap and it fills you up, but where is the wow factor. I want to be served by a clown or something. Brighten it up a bit. Give me a firework with my Gyro. Get creative.

All in all, you’ll eat there, you’ll feel average and then you will realize your life still consists of studying for tests. Life rocks.

Taste: 6.5 Debbie Downers/10

Presentation: 4/5

Overall Customer Service: 7/10

Overall House Aesthetics: 5/5

Total: 22.5/30

Mark’s Review:

Feta and Olives. I went in with super high hopes. The aesthetics were easy on the eyes, let me tell ya. Lime green doesn’t really bode well with many people, BUT IT WORKED. Maybe I am being a picky asshole, but the menu was kind of confusing. I didn’t know which sides I could get with my souvlaki wrap. It was confusing and scary and anxiety-inflicting. I felt so alone. Nevertheless, I figured it out. I was going to get the gyros, but then realized it wouldn’t be quite as authentic as the mass chain restaurant Opa (that was a joke). In all honesty though, it was Opa’s bastard child. Same layout, dry food, horrible tzatziki sauce. Trust me, the Irish Catholic kid would know… As little as I know about good tzatziki sauce, it was almost powdery. I hated it.

All in all, it was entirely mediocre. Seeing as I might be a horribly biased Opa fan, lets tear it down and get a wealthy human to put an Opa there in it’s place. Yeah? Yeah.

Taste (/10): 6

Presentation (/5): 4 wraps almost as well-wrapped as Opa’s wraps out of 5

Overall Customer Service (/10): 7. The girl working the till didn’t help my menu confusion.

Overall House Aesthetics (/5): 5

Total: 22/30

Editors note: John said we were too negative. Maybe he’s right. It was actually pretty good. But no one likes hearing that. Go eat there. 

The fat man shaving meat supports: @ATasteOfHUB

Day 4: The Jacket Potato Man

Patrick’s Review:

Chicken Roll with New York Style Salad. The Chicken Roll was from Costco’s frozen food section, this much is certain. Like those microwavable toquitos, because those are super tasty after the age of seven. They understand one fundamental aspect of fast food at the Potato Man; if you smother something in melted cheese, its going to be semi edible. The entire Mexican food industry survives on this theory. All in all I don’t feel like this meal was too far off your average meal at an airport ‘Jack in the Box’. In fact thats pretty much it, its airplane food. To the untrained eye the New York style salad appeared to be lettuce and chicken, but I’m not a doctor. Other than the name sounding like a shitty kids book (in my mind the Jacket Potato abuses crystal meth and teaches kids about addiction) the experience was pretty good. I mean, I could have drawn the menu board, and I draw like a chimp with down syndrome, but it gets the message across. Im not offended by the experience, but Im not going back.

MATH TIME!:

Taste: 6/10

Customer Service: 7/10

Presentation: 3/5

Aesthetics: 3(Its a potato IN A JACKET!)/5

Total:19 /30

Today we have a guest judge, he’s one of the great minds behind this concept, a founder if you will. His name is John so we’ll go by that. Pretty cryptic.

John’s Review:

First things first: the Jacket Potato man himself is clearly a pervert. He’s wearing a fancy dinner jacket, he has no pants, and he’s smiling aggressively. That’s deviant behavior. Food itself was better than I expected. The order: cheese and bacon potato, with a “New York” style salad (chicken and vinaigrette dressing! Only in the BRONX!). I fully expect the “bacon bits” to give me an ulcer, but the salad was a refreshing touch. Also, you get to apply your own dressing and shake the box. It’s fun to be involved in the process like that. The tip jar is a bit presumptuous, to be honest (Editor’s note: for those of you who read last weeks blog and Patrick’s distaste for tips, we’re good people, promise). I’m still hungry, and I have no intention of getting more food from the Jacket, so thats pretty much all you need to know about the place. I’m not sure about the viability of a restaurant based entirely on baked potatoes and bagged salad, but God bless them for trying. Bonus marks for the tablet displaying the daily special. I respect that they’re indie enough to go with a BlackBerry playbook. Final note: the lady forgot to give me a fork. That’s just asking to be docked.

TO THE CARDS!

Taste: 4/10

Customer service: 3/10 (Never forget utensils. There are consequences.)

Overall house aesthetics: 4-1(for pervy potato guy vibe)+1 (for tech integration)=4/5

Presentation: 2/5 (the bacon bits would glow in the dark, and that’s unsettling).

Total: 13/30

Mark’s Review:

My theory is as stated. The lovely people at The Jacket Potato Man saw the success of New York Fries and decided to go New York themed with their restaurant. As chronologically inaccurate as that may be (the jacket potato man is clearly older), I like to think its a heartwarming story of two Asian families sharing their love for the big apple. However, I refuse to believe chicken, almonds and romaine lettuce has been coined as a New York Style dish. Never been to NY, but that’s just not true. Enough ramblin. The menu looks like it was made by Audrey, my 4 year old cousin. Some may say that’s subpar, I like to think of it as a homely touch. I got the potato skins and the NY style salad. The potato skin seemed pretty ancient and the chicken in the salad was dry as shit (snobby yes, but not untrue), other than that no complaints about the meal. The customer service was pleasant, and for all of you cheap bastards out there it was very reasonably priced.

Taste: 7
Customer service: 7
Overall house aesthetics: 2 creepy Chinese cat statues out of 5.
Presentation: 4. The picture speaks for itself, it looked pretty lovely pre-consumption.
Total: 20/30

Almar’s Review:

You know what, I didn’t hate it. I woke up today a little hungover from Super Bowl Sunday and I was dreading this meal. I didn’t want to have to eat terrible on top of feeling terrible, but so far I am not feeling poopy. I had the Spicy Nacho potato with the side New York salad, and while my potato was not spicy and my salad had no discerning qualities of New York, I was more surprised than disappointed. Although let’s make one thing clear: it wasn’t terrible, but I’m not going back.

Now here is when I start to get picky. I had enough sour cream on my potato to make another full sour cream potato, after that I would’ve still had enough sour cream to make a sour cream fork AND THEN eat my sour cream potato with my newly crafted sour cream fork. Seriously Jacket Potato Man, less is more on that one. Or at least ask. Also, I didn’t have any bacon bits on my potato, but even looking at them was offensive. If I wanted a fish food pellet in my potato I would go eat at a pet store.

Okay, last one: HOW THE FUCK IS YOUR CLAIM TO FAME LEAVING THE POTATO SKIN ON THE POTATO? Anyone can leave the skin on the potato. If I’m paying you to give me something I want it to be something I don’t want to have to do myself. Did someone honestly think that leaving the skin on a potato would be a good idea for the cornerstone to a company? Well the food turned out about as good as the idea.

But I digress… on to the scores!

Taste (/10): 5

Presentation (/5): 3

Overall Customer Service (/10): 6

Overall House Aesthetics (/5): 4

Total: 18/30

Jeff’s Review:

I arrived to a group of very hungry men today who where ready to eat. We were greeted by some beautiful women, who took my order of a cheese and bacon potato. The false hope I had for this place was instantly stripped from me upon eating my first bite. I would describe it similar to the feeling I had following Madonna’s performance at the Super Bowl. I am now extremely lonely, as I am writing this blog post that has me lost and wondering what just happened.

I can honestly say that I am not a fan of the jacket or the potato, to what the jacket actually is, I am still slightly confused. This food might be something you would enjoy following a night of extreme abuse to my liver, which I feel would still leave me wanting more, because it will never live up to a super cheese donair with extra sauce.

To the people who are looking to eat here in the future, it was a bland meal to say the least. Nothing special, but at the same time it was not horrible. Despite the bacon bits they use which remind me of eating the rock salts people put on driveways to make the ice melt. However they did have a nice kitty statue which I’m sure meant something like “good luck,” so that’s nice.

Taste: 5/10

Customer service: 7.5/10

Aesthetics: 3.5/5

Presentation: 2.5/5

Total: 18.5/30

Total Team score: This is a blog on tumblr we’re not doing that much math/30

Lest you forget the Twitter: @ATasteOfHUB

spencermyreid asked: Can I marry all of you??

Almar’s a roses guy and Mark’s pretty partial to daisies, the wedding logistics would just be a nightmare, sorry!